It has been a long time I know. I still come read everyone's posts though. I swear. I am alive. I am happy for them ost part. I still feel bad some days. It is not easy making yourself happy when you know it is making someone else unhappy. At least it is not easy for me.

Hope everyone is having a good new year!!

When things look so bad for ourselves, something happens to show us it could be worse.


I moved out in April. I'll be getting a divorce at some point. It makes me sad, but it is what I need to do. I've done a good job at avoiding telling too many people about it. Then today I found out my best friend from high school's cousin died last Thursday. I watched him grow up each summer at the county fair. He was only 29. He had cystic fibrosis. Anyhow, I compare that to what I am going through now...

Guess it does not compare now does it?

Goodnight.

Everyone thought I was crazy, but they did it. The Penguins beat the Red Wings!!

My mom is 12 hours away, so I never see her on holidays. Happy Mother's Day to all of you just the same. I moved out 3 weeks ago yesterday. It is strange, but I think it is for the best. Today I donated to my new home's Mother's Day celebration by getting fresh seasoned mozzarella and wheat flat bread to melt it on for appetizers. It was a huge hit. They had never had it before. I simply love cheese.

Yep this is me writing something.

I am lost in life. I feel there is something I need to do, but doing it will hurt someone I love. I am not happy though. I have not been happy in a long time. It is no one else's fault. I played a major part in how I got to where I am. Unfortunately, I waited too long to address the issues that have led to me being unhappy. There is no quick and easy fix. I do not know if I am making the right choice for sure, but I think I need to find out if it is or not. Continuing as is just does not seem healthy for either one of us.

No one can decide this for sure but me, but I am scared. I like to pretend I am strong. In some aspects I am. In others, I am not. I have never wished for a magical solution to a problem in my life as much as I am wishing for one now.

Yesterday, I actually debated quitting eating and just smoking instead. I mean the cigarettes are expensive, but if I don't eat and just smoke the money would even out. Plus, I would lose some weight right? Of course, I guess my health could be affected negatively by that.

She made it into the top ten. Please vote for her!!

http://ethel.livejournal.com/1013292.html

We have a double sink in the kitchen. The left one has a garbage disposal and the right is a regular sink. Apparently, the garbage disposal has been leaking. I noticed today when I grabbed the dishwasher soap and the box was completely soaked. The best part is one of the roommates noticed the box was damp the last time they ran the dishwasher, but they did not bother to look why.

I do not have the money to call a plumber. We will be trying to figure out a way to fix this for now. The easiest solution is to just not use the left sink for the time being.

I do not post just to complain, contrary to what some may believe. I simply post what is going on. Lately, there has not been much going on. The few things that have just seem to be not so good. When I posted about Peter getting his teeth pulled and the denture put it, that was not a negative post. It was simply a post about what happened. We are actually quite happy he got the dentures. He feels better about his appearance and can eat better now. The only negative to the teeth is the dentist and how he is billing it.

I admit, my life is not the greatest right now. Sorry if my life is not enough sunshine and roses for some of you. Actually, I take that back. I am not sorry.

Christmas was nice. The roommates went to visit their families on Christmas Eve. Peter had to work. Once he got home it was just him and myself with the dog as usual. We did go see Kathy at work for a bit and brought home Chinese take out for dinner. We opened our presents to each other. Since I did not know about the upcoming financial issues, I splurged and got Peter tickets to the New Years Eve Wild game. We have been wanting to go to a Wild game for 8 years now. Christmas day was us with the roomies. We made a big Christmas dinner and open gifts from each other along with the stockings.

New Years Eve was great. Peter and I had club level seats. We ate at the buffet done by the St. Paul Hotel at the game. It was expensive but delicious. The acorn squash casserole was my favorite. The Wild played the NHL team with the best record for the season, the San Jose Sharks. I totally expected the Wild to lose. Boogaard had a nice fight at center ice. We tied and went into overtime, where my boy Burns scored the winning goal.

Afterwards I went out with some friends. It was a good New Years.

If Wilma should win any prize money from this contest, Wilma's owner will be donating the money.

Go here to learn more...

http://ethel.livejournal.com/1009260.html

She made it to the second round!!!

http://startribune.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?PageType=VOTING&ContestID=4247&SubmissionID=417313&IncrementNumber=2#SubmissionDisplay

My grandma is in the hospital. She has an artery that is 80% blocked. They do not want to do surgery, because she might not make it through that. Instead they will attempt to treat it with drugs.

The dentist we worked with for over half of 2008 on getting Peter an upper denture said he would bill the denture in 2009. He billed it in 2008. He also is now claiming her never said he would bill it in 2008. Apparently, Peter and I just dreamed about having the exact same conversation with him at some point. This means we owe a mere $3000 more than we thought we would. $3000 might not be a lot to them, but it is much more than a lot to me.

I am tired and cranky. My nerves are eating me alive.

A friend of mine has entered her adorable dog in a photo contest. PLEASe go vote for Wilma. Look at her, I swear she is cute.

http://startribune.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?PageType=VOTING&ContestID=4247&SubmissionID=417313&IncrementNumber=1&SSMode=STOP#SubmissionDisplay

You do have to register.

It just takes a second, and then you can vote every minute for her as the cutest dog in the Twin Cities!

A friend of mine has entered her adorable dog in a photo contest. PLEASE go vote for Wilma. Look at her, I swear she is cute.

http://startribune.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?PageType=VOTING&ContestID=4247&SubmissionID=417313&IncrementNumber=1

You do have to register. It just takes a second, and then you can vote every hour for her as the cutest dog in the Twin Cities!

Happy Holidays

etc...

There is a wonderfully amazing friend of mine who has a job interview today. Please center your good thoughts, vibes and prayers on her. The city you should target is San Franciso.

Thank you.